This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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