he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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