I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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