He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
