Have you finally orgasmed yet?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
