im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
