Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
