I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's blow job season.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
