i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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