Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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