The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
