Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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