I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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