Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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