Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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