Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
how drunk are you?
Several
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
