isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
