Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
