my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
