Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
