I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so let's talk penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
