So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
