it's too hot outside to masturbate.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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