Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
