Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
