The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
