somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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