i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
