Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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