last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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