I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
