u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
