Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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