well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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