I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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