Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
