Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
