He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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