Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
