tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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