my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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