Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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