Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
