so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
