I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
