It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
