Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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