Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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