Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
