after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
