I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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