Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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