she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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